THINGS FOREVER

Does time heal all wounds? A couple of years back, I was upset over some reason and one of my closest friends told me, " It really doesnt matter you know, Two years from now you are not even gonna remember this''. Well, three years have passed. Quite eventful I must say. And new memories have replaced the old ones. "Replaced'' may not be the apt word. It is more like a pile of junk. Each day another load is added on top of the previous ones. But it doesn't mean ones deep down dont exist. They do. And some of them are non biodegradable- they dont rot. They lie there waiting. And at times, when the days can be best definied as jobless, some fool (I realise the irony.. gah!) would take a stick and dig it up, bit by bit, slowly, searching for some diamond lost in the junk pile. But anyhow, diamonds are hard to find. It is these non biodegradable peices of useless plastic that is thrown enough and more on our way.

Vaccations are the time of the year when I suffer from bouts of bittersweet memories bombarded consistently on my brain cells. Like for instance I was ransacking my bedroom the other day and guess what I found. Under piles and piles of books was lying my old tenth standard physics record . Even the cover was intact. Well, it was just a lifeless book that was in my hands then, but what it handed over were living ghosts of dead memories. I observed how my handwriting had changed over the years, just like me. How the 'f's and 'h's had gained height and the 'g' had lost its fancy tail. The hurriedly copied diagrams and observations ,the blotch of ink that had become the reason for a fued with a dear friend, the smell, the brown cover with Harry Potter happily smiling on it- everything. Just everything coiled around me like tentacles. Dragging me back.

Sometimes, the things that surpise us the most are the things that are most obvious. I kept the book aside and looked at the mirror. The physical change was apparent. It was the mental transistion that stunned me. Each day, each moment we think. Yet most of the times we hardly notice the change in our thoughts, the way we think, the change in our values, priorities, objectives, the change in us.

But no matter how we change, each experience, everything we do or is done to us leaves a part of itself within us. These invisible traces are the non biodegradable junks I was talking about earlier. They stay. They are meant to stay and can never be naturally removed. They are like invisible strings. They influence us. Control us. Our thought process. They are beyond time. May be it is time that makes them invisible. But it can never kill them.

As I was saying. This particular incident happened 3 years back. I cant say " 3 years are over. Yet I remember everything. Afresh.'. NO. Ofcourse I dont. But there are a few things that I remember. A few things that really matter. The few essential things. The non bio degradable parts of the complex whole. And I know no matter what happens I am going to and going to have to remember them ( As long as I dont catch Alzheimers that is..heh heh..).

So does time heal all wounds? Does time completely wipe of incidents that matter? I dont think so. It just doesnt work that way I guess. Some other things are also meant to stay forever. Not just the diamonds.

ONCE BITTEN, TWICE SHY

"Last Christmas", has been one of my all time favourite songs. I love the video, the lyrics, the rhythm and just everything about it. Yesterday I was just randomly listening to it when something struck me. It was this age 0ld idiom which comes in the lyrics of that song- once bitten, twice shy.
Very true, dont you think?

It is possible to really be naive again, when once we are bitten badly? I don't know. Does forgiveness and giving someone a second chance essentially mean the same thing? Come on, not many people can trust the same source of hurt or deceit a second time, can they? Being from a semi-christian background ( i will elaborate on that on a different post), I have been taught to forgive.God says, " Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us". I honestly feel confused. Am I just being a bad person when I refuse to trust again or is it just human? I look at my three year old cousin who has completely and absolutely refused to touch the candle ( Even when it is not burning!!) after she got a small burn around 6 or 7 months back. I feel like Arnie in "What's eating Gilbert Grape" taking his refusal to touch water and my refusal to give second chances.

May be it just the fear of taking risk. Rather, may be it is the subconscious fear of having to hold oneself responsible for all that could go wrong. Or may be it just being paranoid and shitty. A mistake is a mistake only the first time you make it. It will be a crime the next time. And here it will be a crime against oneself. It is almost suicide. If a person cheats you once, it is his mistake. If a person cheats you twice it is completely and totally your mistake. A fool is one who trusts strangers. A greater fool is the one who trusts false friends. I would rather give a stranger a first chance that a cheat a second chance. What do you feel?

Is this cynicism? In the never ending twists and turns of this confusing life how many times can we afford to take risks? It is like walking on a tight rope tied at the edges of two cliffs. Yes, life is that in short. You should enjoy the sights and the breeze you see. You should smile.It is important.But it more important to keep control. Over every single step one keeps, every breath one takes. It is important to maintain the thin balance that helps us move forward. Cheats are the occasional slips we face. Would you honestly keep your feet at a point that has been very shaky in the past or has a reputation for it? Would you let yourself fall? Specially when, as my dear friend Sandhya says, it is a fall with no safety nets? Would you?

I am confused. I cant as of now. But I don't know the correct answers to the moral questions behind such a decision. Once a person proves that he or she possesses no integrity, it is best to keep a distance. Anyway, this is desert rose's theory. Feel free to accept or oppose it.

Well, I am back to listening to "Last Christmas". Pausing occasionally like this, to pen my crazy thoughts in the form of a poem or prose. Well, it does make sense at times. Dont you think? When we act a particular way even without knowing why we do it. It is gut feeling really. And I know many would chose the path I have so 'wisely' chosen. Why else would they say, Once bitten twice shy !!

THE WANDERER

I was wandering
In myriad nights,
Under the stars and the moon,
And caught, each drop of dew
that fell from the sky

In the morns, when,
the horizon was crimson,
I dipped,
and emerged as a red bird
And flew in the bright blue sky

Night no longer remained
My feathers fell to the land beneath,
And there were red pools of thick water,
The blue sky was reflected red,
And slowly turned dark.


I saw the stars in the pool,
And swirled and flew,
higher and higher,
Until I was a step away,
and reached out,
and plucked a lonely star
from the depressing darkness
and hid it in my heart.

TO A DEAR POET

You lie on the poem,
and wink and smile, and twitch
and turn and touch me like
a fairytale feather.

You grab me,
on you I lie, exploring,
Each word, each syllable
and every possibility.

You mock me,
You tempt me,
you confuse me,
In each poem you
take a new turn,
I lose myself in the new sights,
that you so effortlessly show.

Every line reveals a little more,
Here a whisper, there another,
then finally with each step,
I fall, and blend, I am you,
Doors opened
I explore more and more

All the while
You lie on the poem,
your head resting on your arms,
I bet you are enjoying ,
aren't you, you heartless,
Watching how I struggle
to take the plunge, to blend, to find,
and not to fall in love.

SONG

I wanted to share this song with you. It is my favourite.

SHE

Her eyes were on the steam,
that rose from the glass of tea,
in curls like her panic, suppressed,
Her pain smiles.

The balding "boy" stares at her,
and the two sovereigns
of her father's sweat,
that clang on her shivering hands,
And her family home,
built with the toil of a lifetime.

He is now the "rightful heir",
of this much coveted prize,
that came with his permanent slave,
His people had bargained with hers
and settled the amount for the slaughter.

The cow moos in the yard,
And the curls continue to rise
higher and higher up from the glass
held tightly in his hands,
Like dandelions in the summer winds,
and her dreams,
floating far beyond her reach....

SELF INCURRED BLINDNESS

Kant speaks about the self incurred immaturity of man that prevents his enlightenment. What I want to speak about is 'self incurred blindness' which is not all that different. Now, what is my inspiration? Would you be surprised if I told you that it was my hostel mess. But yeah, it is. I mean, something that happened in the mess the other day.
Before I proceed, I want you to know that I am a connoisseur of good food - a foodie in unpolished terms. I like eating and I feel at the end of the day it is what all of us live for. We need to eat something - be it food or love (Don't ask me how can you eat love.... metaphorically you can, cant you?). So in short I think 'to eat' is the most important verb in human life. Ah ! I think I have started to deviate from the topic. Coming back to the point, so there i was, in the mess, not-so happily eating whatever they serve, when I saw something black in my Dahi (curd). On a closer look I spotted a martyred cockroach ruthlessly killed by the inconsiderate hands of the mess staff and served on my plate.

I am no vegetarian, but cockroach is definitely not a favourite delicacy of mine. And this one was pretty big I must say. Black, with its tentacles clearly visible. It boosted my appetite so much that I felt I would throw up (I had just taken a spoon of that cockroach flavored Dahi ). I took it and kept it aside , waiting for the mess manager to show up ( half wishing I could throw up on him and teach them a lesson for once and all ). Then a couple of friends came and sat by me ( with bowls of dahi sitting unsuspiciously on their plates). I told them and the people who were sitting in the next table not to have the Dahi 'cause I had found a cockroach in it. To my utter surprise one of my friends snapped , " Why did you have to tell me, I would have happily had my Dahi, I love it and now I cant have it". What an utterly irresponsible way to react!! I mean, look at it. I just saved her from something that is unhygienic for sure and may be potentially poisonous. I was taken aback and surprised. I didn't reply instead chose to take that cockroach to the mess guy ( who clearly had no intention of coming to my table). I really wanted to scream at him ( the spoon of dahi still swirled in my tummy) but he was an old man and seeing his face I couldnt really do it. So I politely presented him with the cockroach and walked back to my room.

I was reflecting all the while. Not on the mess issue but on the way my dear friend reacted to it. Where was the youth of my country proceeding to? How can we, at this peek age of our life, be so stoic and non passionate? Where has the boiling blood drained to? I cant get it. I see future citizens who would say , " Hey, why do you speak about corruption, I was happily minding my own business." " What do I care if that Minister stole from the treasury, I get my salary on time ". '' People get murdered. So what? They are not my relatives"." " I cant protest. I vote. My role in a democracy end there". " A kid got raped? It is not mine, so never mind." '' Human trafficking? Tell me if you can do something about the traffic jam in front of my appartment. I care no further."

WHAT IS THIS????.....What the f**k is this freaking attitude??....IF NOT US THEN WHO? Tell me. If we dont react, if we dont care, if we dont bother to atleast try to make a difference who would? If the youth, that is me and you- if we are so cold, then from where will the world get its warmth from?

It is easy to sit back and criticize everything that it is around you. What is difficult is to try to make a difference about it. It is important to react. To respond. That's what makes us different from inanimate objects. The ability to think, to rationalise, to be aware of who and why- it all matters. If we cant use these abilities that god has so kindly endowed us with, then we aren't all that different from the monkeys that jump around trees. A tie, or shoes, or shorts or mini skirts are not what define civilisation or what is 'civilised'. Just because we look in the mirror and find our features similar to that of the homo sapien species found in a science text book, we cant essentially call our selves human beings. Unless, unless we react. We respond.

So all I am saying is- please release yourself from your self incurred blindness, if you are suffering from it. If you arent, then react. React at every single opportunity you get. It matters. You matter. What you think matters. An ocean needs its every single drop. So dont hesitate- Raise your voice. NOW!!!