Friday, March 26, 2010


Kant speaks about the self incurred immaturity of man that prevents his enlightenment. What I want to speak about is 'self incurred blindness' which is not all that different. Now, what is my inspiration? Would you be surprised if I told you that it was my hostel mess. But yeah, it is. I mean, something that happened in the mess the other day.
Before I proceed, I want you to know that I am a connoisseur of good food - a foodie in unpolished terms. I like eating and I feel at the end of the day it is what all of us live for. We need to eat something - be it food or love (Don't ask me how can you eat love.... metaphorically you can, cant you?). So in short I think 'to eat' is the most important verb in human life. Ah ! I think I have started to deviate from the topic. Coming back to the point, so there i was, in the mess, not-so happily eating whatever they serve, when I saw something black in my Dahi (curd). On a closer look I spotted a martyred cockroach ruthlessly killed by the inconsiderate hands of the mess staff and served on my plate.

I am no vegetarian, but cockroach is definitely not a favourite delicacy of mine. And this one was pretty big I must say. Black, with its tentacles clearly visible. It boosted my appetite so much that I felt I would throw up (I had just taken a spoon of that cockroach flavored Dahi ). I took it and kept it aside , waiting for the mess manager to show up ( half wishing I could throw up on him and teach them a lesson for once and all ). Then a couple of friends came and sat by me ( with bowls of dahi sitting unsuspiciously on their plates). I told them and the people who were sitting in the next table not to have the Dahi 'cause I had found a cockroach in it. To my utter surprise one of my friends snapped , " Why did you have to tell me, I would have happily had my Dahi, I love it and now I cant have it". What an utterly irresponsible way to react!! I mean, look at it. I just saved her from something that is unhygienic for sure and may be potentially poisonous. I was taken aback and surprised. I didn't reply instead chose to take that cockroach to the mess guy ( who clearly had no intention of coming to my table). I really wanted to scream at him ( the spoon of dahi still swirled in my tummy) but he was an old man and seeing his face I couldnt really do it. So I politely presented him with the cockroach and walked back to my room.

I was reflecting all the while. Not on the mess issue but on the way my dear friend reacted to it. Where was the youth of my country proceeding to? How can we, at this peek age of our life, be so stoic and non passionate? Where has the boiling blood drained to? I cant get it. I see future citizens who would say , " Hey, why do you speak about corruption, I was happily minding my own business." " What do I care if that Minister stole from the treasury, I get my salary on time ". '' People get murdered. So what? They are not my relatives"." " I cant protest. I vote. My role in a democracy end there". " A kid got raped? It is not mine, so never mind." '' Human trafficking? Tell me if you can do something about the traffic jam in front of my appartment. I care no further."

WHAT IS THIS????.....What the f**k is this freaking attitude??....IF NOT US THEN WHO? Tell me. If we dont react, if we dont care, if we dont bother to atleast try to make a difference who would? If the youth, that is me and you- if we are so cold, then from where will the world get its warmth from?

It is easy to sit back and criticize everything that it is around you. What is difficult is to try to make a difference about it. It is important to react. To respond. That's what makes us different from inanimate objects. The ability to think, to rationalise, to be aware of who and why- it all matters. If we cant use these abilities that god has so kindly endowed us with, then we aren't all that different from the monkeys that jump around trees. A tie, or shoes, or shorts or mini skirts are not what define civilisation or what is 'civilised'. Just because we look in the mirror and find our features similar to that of the homo sapien species found in a science text book, we cant essentially call our selves human beings. Unless, unless we react. We respond.

So all I am saying is- please release yourself from your self incurred blindness, if you are suffering from it. If you arent, then react. React at every single opportunity you get. It matters. You matter. What you think matters. An ocean needs its every single drop. So dont hesitate- Raise your voice. NOW!!!

Sunday, March 21, 2010


Jealousy has always been branded as a trait of the fairer sex. I mean, " girls are jealous", is a sentence that all of us must have heard at some point in our life. This is too a large extent true too. Jealousy is a trait that is quite common among girls. Not all girls are jealous though. We can put the ratio of jealous to non jealous as 60:40.

But I have no intentions of talking about girls in this article ( Why do I need to elaborate on cliched sentences?). Do men get jealous? I have grown up in a surrounding where jealousy was always seen as a non-masculine trait. Jealousy is beyond manhood I guess. Why else would I hear sentences like " We are guys, we are never jealous", " You think I am jealous! me! come on now, I am a boy!", " You girls get periods pain cause you have feelings like jealousy, We dont" ( Hello there Mr, You dont get periods pain cause you DONT have periods, or ehmmm......are you an exception? :P )

We have master pieces like Othello, which throws light on the fact that even men do get jealous. Freud speaks about Oedipus complex , which in a way implies jealousy to one's father. We can see that often in a professional environment men act more jealously than women do. Sometimes they get so jealous that, it stresses the hell out of them and often, all their hair goes grey with jealousy even when they are eighteen or nineteen. Why then do our culture have difficulty in accepting the fact that men just like women, can also posses feelings that may not be really positive?

I think this inability to accept humane flaws in a man is an aftermath of the glorification of patriarchy. There had always been an attempt to elevate the stronger sex into a cluster of super human beings. Luckily this has changed, if not fully, over a period of time. Society is opening up, and men are gradually welcoming their fairer counterpart into their arena. I must say, that at every point of my life I have been lucky to have associated with at least one man who has encouraged and supported me and urged me to achieve my potential. The problem lies in the fact that the number of such men are relatively less. May be even substantially less. Even to this day there are men who have difficulty in accepting women as their equals. They feel irritated and annoyed when a women out performs them in their field. Be it a classmate answering the teacher's question before they could, or a colleague submitting a project before they did or an opponent defeating them in an election, they just cant take it. They would rather have another man outshining them than a woman. A small defeat, or a small step ahead by a woman is taken as a ruthless stamp on their manhood. Sometimes men are more jealous of women than they are of other men. How can they forget the fact that it was from a woman's womb that they came, I wonder! I feel that such narrow minded men are an insult to the manhood of the whole universe. They insult men who are good and broad minded.

All human beings share similar emotions. Man or woman, we feel joy, sorrow, anger, regret, jealousy, lust and everything. Nothing is unique to a gender. Why do we need to distinguish certain things with a certain gender? It is human to feel angry or jealous. It is alright. Their is nothing wrong in it as long as you don't act on your instinct as far as negative feelings are concerned. Some women are jealous, some are not. Some men are jealous, some are not. In short some human beings are jealous, where as others are not. The green eyed monster hides in each one of us. The important thing is, to understand and accept its presence yet not be its slave.

So next time you hear a boy saying , " Hey I am not jealous cause I am a boy", or a girl saying " I am jealous, so what? After all I am girl" I request you to rectify them immediately and ask them to say " Hey I am (not) jealous 'cause I am a human being." After all, all of us are human beings. :)

Monday, March 15, 2010


What happens when we die? When we die, we die. But is that all? They tell me, when we die, we die and go away and those whom we leave behind pay the price of our journey.

I don't know if that is true. I haven't died yet to take an authentic stand. But I don't think that when we die for whatever reason we die- accident, murder, suicide or whatever other than old age, we don't pay a price. It would be absolutely fallacious to assume so. We lose our life. What could be more precious to anyone? We lose the valuable moments that we could have spent on this beautiful place. We lose experiences- sensual and spiritual. We lose relationships, the warmth each relationship gives us. We lose our freedom of expression and being. WE LOSE. We are the losers, when we die.

Of course, our dear and near ones will mourn our death. But one must keep in mind that God has blessed human beings with a very unique capability - the ability to move on. I don't know and I don't think I can say, that we have the ability to forget. No, at least not all of us. Sometimes, we never truly forget or 'get over' certain losses. But yes, We definitely do move on. And in the process we find happiness. Often greater happiness than the ones we had. So no matter who dies, or how close that person was we will, after a while, get used to it and move on. No matter what happens life goes on.

But what about the departed? There is no coming back for them. No power of speech, of expression, of touch, of experience, nothing. With a single event, they become invisible. How would it possibly feel to be pushed out of the place you belong, the place you consider to be your own, that too often without even a prior notice. You will be caught in surprise, completely off guard and before you know it will all be over. I cant picturise my self in a position where I can see life flowing in front of my eyes, without me in it. I mean, my parents, my friends, people whom I care about, all of them living and me completely absent in the picture. As selfish as this may sound, I just don't wanna see that happen. I cant think of a position where I can no longer kiss my parents, laugh with my friends, eat all my favourite stuff, sleep with sweet dreams, wake up with hope, and blog with so much of happiness. No. I dont want to die, not any soon at least.

Yesterday, a student in my college passed away. Unexpectedly. He was celebrating his birthday when it happened. I hear people complaining about the negligence of the institute hospital, of the authorities. I dont want to talk about it 'cause I don't know what really happened and it wouldn't be right to blame someone without knowing the actual reason. I don't expect God to read my blog, but I have a faint feeling that he is reading all my thoughts. And I want him(or her) to know that, it wasn't fair. I know I am no one to judge the way he (or she or it) moves the world, me myself being one of his imperfect creations, but still. I cant bring myself to appreciate God's big game and glorify him on such instances. As his imperfect creations, he can neglect all our imperfect thoughts, but if heaven or this universe itself is a democracy, may be our silent protests may hit the mark.

What am I saying? May be all this looks like utter nonsense to you. I don't know. All I know is someone, just a couple of years older than me, passed away yesterday, and that he or we were not expecting it, and that he has left a big bunch of dreams and two weeping parents behind.

Thursday, March 11, 2010


Point your fingers,
anywhere but on the mirror,
and murmur
"you are the reason''.

The true reason, for a while,
can be hidden in your closet
with other skeletons for company.
Together they will silence him,
and truth shall be a latecomer again.

But someday all the reasons
would collide among themselves,
gain momentum,
and fly swiftly past your
pointed finger,
and shatter your own mirror.

The closets will be thrown open,
and the skeletons will have the last laugh,
watching your distorted figure,
reflected in the shattered crystals,
scattered across the floor.

Monday, March 8, 2010


If hating was easy,
I could have hated you
until the last leaf of winter withered away.
I could strike you with words,
toss you with deeds,
and seek pleasure in your wounds.

If cursing was easier,
I could have wished you pain,
Until the clock stopped ticking,
And watched you twitch in misery,
As my prophecy came true.

If revenge was a cake walk,
I could have stabbed you a thousand times,
Seeking strength from all those memories,
where you hid your smirk, and
made me play the fool.

If forgetting was quick,
I could spare myself
these uncertain moments, that always
come hand in hand with bitterness
and encase me with void.

But as this green dot
blinks beside your name,
My fingers melt,
I forget my lines and spellings,
No voice comes out, no curse,
Heart twitches, and fails to hate.

If hating was easier, my dear,
If an attempt atleast wasn't so excruciating,
I could have hated you,
Until the last leaf of winter withered away.

Friday, March 5, 2010


Is it possible,
That these shadows thrown on the wall,
shall stay forever?
In the morning I looked,
and found a block of black,
like ink splattered, formless, yet one
Identities merged, indiscernible.

And as the sun moved through
the pathway of eternal time,
Slowly, they parted,
One, two and many,
swaying now and then,
Until the whole wall was scattered
with black outlines of reality.

Then as time passed,
they seeked the borders of the white wall,
and vanished,
Leaving plain white and nothingness.
I reflect,
The white seems whiter
with black here and there, than alone.

And then the night sets.
And the shadows come back again,
and play their games on my wall,
Blending into one,
The darkness spreads, and I know,
They shall drown in it,
And I shall sleep,
this perpetual togetherness.

Wednesday, March 3, 2010


Right now I am feeling very much relived. Ahh! it feels great to be done with all the exams. Specially when you cram 2 months of philosophy portions in two days.

I am feeling pretty pleased with myself now. I mean, I cant say I did the exam well or anything. Obviously. But still I could meet the challenge. The paper was decent enough I guess. Anyway it is done. And I am happy.

The happiest part is, over the last two days, I realised how fascinating Philosophy is. It is awesome. So many thoughts that have occurred to me in the past, I could find elaborate theories on them. Which means, there has been minds in the past that shared very similar thoughts with mine. Here by past I mean some 2000-3000 years back. Solipsism for example. Solipsism is the theory that states that only our mind exists. Everything that we see around us may be a dream. That may be the creation of our mind. How can we be sure that we are not dreaming at this moment? What is life is just a long persistent dream and death is the awakening from it ?It is just so awesome ! I have decided to go through my text book all over again, this time for understanding and enjoying philosophy.

Philosophy is like a magic world and each philosopher is a magician. Thoughts are the wands and theories are the spells. The fact that human thoughts are linked by an underlying chain. The whole concept of thought itself is so beautiful. Contemplation. The act of thinking in itself is so satisfying.

But I must also say that there were quite some philosophers who seriously pissed me off. Specially with their views on women and people of a lower social position( you can expect posts on them soon enough). I mean I agree it is a long time ago and all, but how can they be so outrageous in their views ! Now you may ask me, what is the point in criticising them now that they are dead and gone.My answer is, they exercised their freedom of expression then, I am just exercising mine now.

I think I would be obsessed with philosophy atleast for another month. Cant wait to share my findings and views with you. As and when I come across interesting stuff I will keep posting. I am still in the thrill of rediscovering an interest that was latent for so long. Some how life seems to become a little more colourful. :)